Songs to listen to:Prom queen- Beach BunnyMrs Potatohead- Melanie MartinezSoftcore- The Neighbourhood Saviour Complex- Phoebe BridgersAlien Blues- VundabarInnocent- Taylor SwiftPaint it black- The Rolling StonesHow to disappear- Lana Del Rey You’re somebody else- Flora CashHow to save a life- The Fray
⚠️DISCLAIMER⚠️: This story will talk about ED’S and their side affects. I am writing this to offer comfort to others who are struggling and also myself. If you are easily triggered by this type of thing, please move on to the next part. And to anyone who is struggling, you are not alone and feel free to vent in the comments or in a message. I love you guys ❤️
I woke up at 6:00 am. The usual morning drowsiness haunts my body. I get up and my body temperature seems to drop even lower than before. Although, it seems I’m always cold. I throw on a hoodie over my satin pyjama top and look in the mirror. My eyes look sunken in, my cheeks look bonier, shit, normally I could pass it off as looking tired, but I don’t think I can anymore. My habits are catching up to me. The truth is, I’ve only eaten twice in the past week. And the bare minimum at that. I’ve struggled with body dysmorphia since I was 12, a boy didn’t like me once and it all went down hill from there. But luckily I found a guy, I mean, me and Eddie are joined at the hip, but one thing I didn’t find is self confidence. Eddie knows about my body dysmorphia, but he doesn’t know about my habits making their return.
I look away from the mirror and go into my closet. I pick out a hoodie and leggings. Simple, but big enough to hide my changing physique so there would be no growing suspicion. Once I’m changed I go brush my teeth and wash my face. The feeling of emptiness consumes me. The constant feeling of nausea and like you’re gonna pass out. It gets to you after a bit. But I suck it up and go out on some makeup. Making sure to conceal my under eyes well so no one sees the dead look in my eyes.
On my way out the door I see my mother in the kitchen. “Have a good day honey, you’re lunch is packed. Do you want some food before you leave?” The question send my heart into a faster pace. “No thanks I’m fine.” I say. Leaving immediately.
I get to school and go straight to my locker. I feel like I’m about to pass out. But I can’t, I can’t let anyone know about this. I get my books, but as I close my locker I catch a glimpse of myself in my small mirror. I look different, it shows. “Hey sweetheart.” A voice says from behind me. I jump slightly. “Hi Eds.” I say wrapping my arms around his neck. Any form of support standing up helps at this point. “You have calculus first right?” He asks. I nod. Still half asleep. “You ok?” He asks as we start to walk down the hall. “Yeah, of course.” I say half-heartedly. He looks at me with slight suspicion. We arrive in front of my calculus room. “Ok well, I’ll see you later.” He says planting a kiss on my lips. “Bye, love you.” I say. He echoes my sentence back as he walks away. I’m left with guilt, for lying to him.
When lunch comes around I decide to go to the library and do some homework. So I can avoid the question “why aren’t you eating?”. I sit down, my body overcome with weakness. I get to work. However I am interrupted by a voice. “There you are.”. Eddie wraps him arms around my shoulders. Kissing me on the cheek. “Why aren’t you in the cafeteria?” He asks. “Oh I’m just getting caught up on some work.” I say with a half-ass smile. He stared for a second. Closing the book in front of me. “(Y/N), something is going on with you, I can tell.” He says worriedly. “What do you mean?” I feel my body start to shake, wether it was from the nerves or the hunger, I don’t know. He sits next to me. “You’ve been acting different the last couple of weeks, you seem, tired, and not to be insulting but you look tired. And you haven’t been eating in the ca-” he stops mid sentence. As if a light switch flicked on in his mind. My heart stops. Please don’t figure it out. “(Y/N)… when was the last time you ate?” Oh god. “What do you mean? I’ve been eating like normal.” I reply nervously. “No no no, you never eat at first break, and you haven’t eaten at lunch in a week. And when we were out with the gang the other night you were the only one that didn’t eat anything. (Y/N) does this have something to do with your dysmorphia?” He asks, I can tell he’s worried. I go silent. Which seems to answer his question. Because he just pulls me in. “It’s gonna be okay. I promise. You can talk to me. And whatever it is you’re going through, we’ll get through it together. Okay?” I just look at him. “I’m sorry.” I say with my head down. “Hey, you don’t ever have to apologize for this. You don’t need to feel guilty. And you don’t have to hide it, not from me.” He kisses my head. “I love you.” I say. “I love you too, more than anything.” He says softly.